The Warblers on Crack
by someonebuyadvdplayer
Summary: ...in which every chapter gets more ridiculous than the last. Blaine, Kurt, Wes, David, Thad, Jeff, and Nick mostly. R&R
1. The Warblers watch The Sound of Music

_A/N: Hey everyone :) This is my first fanfic, so be nice. Kudos to my fellow-writer (though this chapter was totally me), yayfornonsense! Love you! Enjoy, reviews are great. _

_Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Glee. _

* * *

><p>"Guys, quiet! This is my favorite part." Wes said.<p>

"Blaine's crying." Jeff stated.

"Real shocker there." David replied.

"Shut up guys! I am not crying!" Blaine said.

Kurt smiled at his friends' bantering. It was a Wednesday night in the middle of July, and 5 of the Warblers (and Kurt) were sitting in Wes's basement watching The Sound of Music. He looked at the movie, and then over at his boyfriend, who was undoubtedly crying. "Blaine, honey. It's just the opening. Nothing that emotionally stirring."

"Julie Andrews is just so inspiring. When she sings, it just moves me." Blaine said, his eyes never leaving the

screen.

"Jeff, would you please stop crunching the popcorn so goddamned loudly?" Wes asked.

"Well, sorry." Jeff said sarcastically.

Wes turned to the boy sitting next to Jeff, who was clearly quite in love with this song. "Nick, seriously. Quit singing along, its aggravating."

"Gees, Wes. Take a chill pill." Nick replied, and then stuck his tongue out at the older Warbler.

"Take a chill pill? Oh my god, who says that," David said.

"Apparently Nick does," Kurt said.

"Nicky – " Jeff began.

"Shut up Jeff, I'm not talking to you." He snapped, glaring at his friend.

"Why aren't you talking this time?" David asked.

"Nick told Jeff a personal detail about his life and he laughed." Kurt informed David, when it was clear neither Nick or Jeff was going to.

"Nicky, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, I swear. I just had to cough and it came out as more like a chuckle, but it totally wasn't." Jeff told his best friend, giving him his best apology.

"Whatever, Jeff. That was an intimate detail about my life that I wouldn't have dreamed of telling anyone but you, and you laughed! We're through." He replied, looking back at the movie.

"Kurt, don't you think it's so beautiful? I mean, just all of the greenery and the mountains, they're just so amazing."

"Yes, dear. They're wonderful." Kurt said, wondering if his boyfriend was high on something.

"Would you guys fricken' shut up! I missed the entire opening number and now I'm about to miss the next song too!" Wes yelled.

Blaine stopped fussing over the adorableness of all the nuns and contentedly laid his head on Kurt's shoulder. David took away the popcorn from Jeff so Wes would stop yelling at him for making a mess, while Jeff tried to give Nick a 'forgive me' hug, but Nick just glared at him and pushed him off. Wes sighed, pleased. He could finally enjoy the movie now.

_46 minutes later_

"YOU ARE SIXTEEN, GOING ON SEVENTEEN, BABY ITS TIME TO THINK."

"Nick, SHUT UP. You sound like a constipated zebra." Wes said angrily.

"I resent that. I sound beautiful, don't I, Jef- I mean, David?" Nick said, making sure to avoid eye contact with Jeff.

"No, dude. You actually really suck at this song." David told his friend.

"I think you sound amazing, Nicky!" Jeff said.

"Whatever, Jeff."

"Blaine, what are you eating?" Kurt asked his boyfriend.

"Gummy bears," He replied, stuffing a few more into his mouth.

"Oh no, you don't. You KNOW how those make you act crazy. Give them to me." Kurt replied, reaching for the candies.

"No!" Blaine said forcefully, hiding them under his arm. "My gummy bears!"

"David, please tell your girlfriend to stop texting you. It's really annoying." Wes told his best friend.

"We're kind of going through a relationship crisis, Wes. Please control your temper for the sake of my love life." David replied with a sniffle.

"Suck it up, David. And quit crying like a girl." Wes replied.

"That was uncalled for, Wes." David said, shocked.

"See, Nicky? David cries like a girl too!"

Nick turned scarlet red, and turned to Jeff, steaming. "I don't cry like a girl, Jeff."

"You said that's what Jenny told you at the movies last Saturday!" Jeff said, looking confused.

"So you now not only laugh at what I told you, but you tell everyone else too? That's low, Jeff. Really low. I'll never forgive you for the rest of my life!" Nick said angrily.

"Who's Jenny?" David asked Kurt.

"Nick's girlfriend," Kurt informed him.

"Ex-girlfriend," Nick mumbled.

"How come I never know what's going on?" David asked himself out loud.

"This movie night is such a fail." Wes said.

_29 minutes later _

"What's a doe?" Jeff asked.

"It clearly says in the song it's a female deer." David said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, well why not just say 'female deer'? I mean, cats don't have an individual name for each gender." Jeff said

"Okay, so from now on I'll call you 'male human'." David said, rolling his eyes. After a pause, he added, "What does that have to do with cats?"

_35 minutes later_

"Kurt, I'm going to sing Edelweiss to you in the rain. It will be the prettiest thing you've ever heard in your life. You can add some amazing harmony parts. We'll be the cutest couple ever."

"Aww, you guys are so adorable!" David said, smiling at them. "I wish m-my g-g-girlfriend would say something like that t-to m-m-me."

Jeff rubbed David's back comfortingly, while Kurt continued to try and snatch the gummy bears from Blaine. "Those things are making you go insane, Blaine. Give them to me."

"No!"

_17 minutes later_

"SO LONG, FAREWELL-"

"OMIGOD SHUT UP NICK OR SAY FAREWELL TO YOUR FACE!"

"I'll protect you from Wes, Nicky." Jeff said.

"Whatever, Jeff."

_78 minutes later_

"Kurt, I love you so much. I love you just as much as Captain von Trap loves Maria."

"I love you too, babe."

"I must have done Something Good!" Blaine grinned.

"Now give me the gummy bears."

"Not on your life." Blaine replied, shoving another handful into his mouth.

_2 minutes later_

"Kurt! They're getting married! They're getting married, Kurt! Can you believe it? I can't believe it, Kurt! It's so romantic! They're –"

"Getting married. I know, babe. Take a deep breath."

_15 minutes later_

"Why are you crying, Nick?" David asked.

"I just…can't believe…Ralph forgot about Leisl like that. I just…I thought…they were so…in l-l-love!"

"It's just a movie, man. Calm down." David said.

"Jeffy, I'm s-so s-sorry! I will never ever f-forget about y-y-you like Ralph forgot about L-l-leisl!"

"I'm so sorry too, Nicky! Don't cry!" Jeff said, hugging his best friend.

"I love you s-s-o much, Jeffy!"

"I love you too, Nicky!" Jeff replied, squeezing his friend even tighter.

"For the love of all that is holy guys, STOP acting like Kurt and Blaine." Wes said exasperatedly.

"We don't act like that." Kurt said defensively.

"Actually, we do, Kurtie!" Blaine said with a giggle.

"Omigod, did Blaine just giggle?" David asked.

"Shoot me now." David said.

_40 minutes later _

"Bravo, bravo! Great movie!" Nick said, wiping his eyes.

"I'm just glad it's over." Wes said grumpily.

"Rodgers and Hammerstein truly were musical geniuses." Jeff said.

"Blaine, give me the gummy bears right now. RIGHT NOW, Blaine. If you eat any more you might never sleep again!" Kurt said, chasing his boyfriend around the basement.

"I wouldn't try too hard, Kurt. He probably already has endless energy." David said, chuckling at the couple.

"Come on, Jeffy. Let's go get some more food!" Nick said, offering his hand to Jeff.

"Okay, Nicky!" Jeff replied. The two ran upstairs together.

"They're so happy. I wish me and my girlfriend were that happy." David said, a whole new flow of tears coming.

"Kurt! What are you doing – give those BACK to me Kurt! No, no not the garbage disposal. Please, Kurt. NO!" Wes heard the garbage disposal turn on and then off a few seconds later. Kurt's sigh of satisfaction was barely heard over Blaine's sobs.

"Yep. Worst movie night ever." Wes said.


	2. The Warblers watch Jeopardy

_A/N: Here's an update guys :) Thanks so much for reading my first chapter! This one is solely written by **yayfornonsense**; thanks babe! This one's just Nick & Jeff, but in the next chapter I'll bring back all the Warblers. Est. Nick/Jeff relationship, because I'm a total Neff lover so I made yayfornonsense write this for me. Keep reviewing! Those things make my day :)_

_Disclaimer: Don't own Glee. _

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><p>"Nicky! Nick – <em>Nick!<em>"

"_What_?"

"Shhhh! It's starting."

"Are you kidding me? I wasn't saying anything, Jeff."

"But you were _going _to. I could see it in your eyes."

"That was probably my contact glinting in the lamplight."

"Here it is! Here it is!"

"Oh my god. Kill me now."

"This. _is. _JEOPARDY!"

"Your Alex Trebec imitation could really use some work."

"I just love this show so much!"

"You know that's extremely nerdy, right?"

"Don't you get a little thrill of excitement every time the clues pop up on the screen?"

"No."

"Or when the buzzer goes off?"

"No."

"Or when Alex reads off the clue in his deep, chocolaty voice?"

"Now you're just being creepy."

"Hush, here's the first clue."

"You started it."

"QUIET!"

"Oh my god, Jeff, you seriously need to calm down."

"There, now are you happy? You made me miss the first clue. Thanks a lot, Nick."

"I'm sorry, okay? I'll just go sit in the corner and read my book silently."

"You don't want to watch Jeopardy with me?"

"Have you even been here for the past five minutes?"

"You know what this needs? Popcorn."

"HA! Ahaha, ahem, hehe. Hm."

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"What do you have against popcorn?"

"Nothing at all. I just think it's… cute."

"What's _cute_?"

"You're so into it that you want popcorn? I mean, really, Jeff? Come on."

"Whatever, Nick. You're ruining my great mood. So just for that, I'm gonna make an entire bag of delicious, buttery, melt in your mouth popcorn, and you can't have _one piece_."

"I resent that."

"Here I go, opening up the box of popcorn!"

"Jeff."

"Ooooh, yuuuummmyyy, popcorrrnnn."

"Jeff."

"Here it goes, into the microwave."

"Je – eff."

"Pop, pop, poppity-pop. Look at that popcorn go!"

"Oh my god, Jeff. SHUT. UP."

"Doesn't it look just delish…"

…

…

"Don't say anything, Nick, or I swear I'll mash your face in."

"Hmhmhm… aaahhh, hm. Hm. Okay. Not saying anything."

"It was only a _minor _explosion."

"Minor. Right. Hm."

"Don't look at me like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like you're trying not to burst out laughing! So, the popcorn exploded… It happens to everyone, right?"

"Everyone. Right."

"I hate you so much."

"You know maybe you should be speaking to the microwave, cause…"

"WHATEVER, NICK."

"Jeff?"

"What?"

"I… hate to break it to you. But you missed Jeopardy."

…

…

"Jeff?"

"Jeeefffff?"

"Come on, seriously, Jeff, it's not that big of a—Omigod, are you crying? Dude just… just, don't cry, okay? It's not, it's not…"

"MY LIFE IS OVER!"

"It'll be on again tomorrow."

"But it's not the same."

"Actually it kind of is."

"No!"

"Jeff…"

"You don't understand! That Jeopardy was special! I called the producers last week…"

"…You know the producers of Jeopardy? Man, you _are _obsessed…"

"… And had them make a special category just for me! A _Jeff and Nick _category! I just wanted to do something really special for you, cause it's our first anniversary and I just love you so much Nicky but then we had to argue and I made popcorn and it exploded and this totally was not how I envisioned this go—mph!"

…

…

"Feel better?"

"Well…"

"Come on, you know you do."

"That was a very nice thank you for a gift that didn't even work out."

"I appreciated the thought."

"Hey, Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"You wanna show your appreciation some more? Cause I'm not sure that first time quite did the trick."

"Say no more, Jeffy, say no more."


	3. The Warblers Play Truth or Dare

_A/N: So I've been updating pretty frequently, but this might be the last update for a few days. I'm still working on chapter 4. This one's pretty short; yayfornonsense and I worked on it together. Hope you enjoy, and please keep reviewing :) _

_Disclaimer: Still don't own Glee. If I did, I probably wouldn't be writing this fanfiction. _

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><p>"Okay, Blaine – truth or dare?" Nick asked.<p>

"Why are we playing truth or dare like a bunch of fourteen year old girls?"

"SHUT UP, Wes." David said.

"Dare." Blaine responded with a mischievous smile.

"Ooo, look at my boyfriend being rebellious!" Kurt said with a wink towards Blaine.

"Ew."

"Oh, shut up, Wes."

"David, why are you so mean to me all the time?" Wes asked, pouting.

"Because I'm your best friend and it's my duty to keep your head from getting to big," David responded promptly.

"I do not have a big head!"

…

"Do I?"

…

"WHATEVER I HATE YOU ALL."

"Oh, Wes, just loosen up and play the game," Jeff said, bumping Wes's shoulder good-naturedly.

"So am I going to get my dare or not?"

"Okay. Blaine. I dare you to…get a book from the library without checking it out." Nick said with an evil smile.

"No! He couldn't! That's against school rules!" David said, shocked.

"That's why it's a dare, stupid."

"This, I've got to see," Kurt said eagerly.

Blaine grinned and stood. "Alright guys, follow me."

The warblers (plus Kurt) trooped downstairs to the library and stopped just outside the door, hovering anxiously.

"How are you gonna do it, Blaine?" Jeff asked.

"I'm going to walk in, grab a book, and run," Blaine responded confidently.

"Gee, how original," Wes commented, which earned him a slap in the face from David.

"What the hell was that for?" Wes asked, slapping David back in the chest.

"Stop arguing, guys," Nick said, rolling his eyes. "Okay, Blaine. Ready?"

"Totally."

As Blaine tiptoed into the library nonchalantly, the other Warblers (plus Kurt) leaned in, clutching the door frame and shoving each other to get a better view.

"Ow, Wes, that's my foot!"

"Yeah, well that's my FACE!"

"Shut up, all of you," Kurt commanded. "We're going to get caught."

By this time, Blaine had made his way to the shelves and was sliding his finger along the spines of the books surreptitiously.

"Blaine, just choose a book! They're going to hear us!" Jeff said as he shoved Nick's head out of his face.

"Okay, alright," Blaine breathed deeply. "I can do this."

"Get Harry Potter! It's like…the best book of all time!" Jeff said excitedly

"Blaine, if you don't get Harry Potter, Jeff is going to cry all night. Seriously, he is SO obsessed with it. I don't think he OWNS a pair of underwear that doesn't have Dumbledore's face on it," Nick said.

"Okay, I will." Blaine pulled the book from the shelf and ran full speed all the way back to Wes's dorm room, giggling like a girl.

"OH MY GOD," Wes screamed as the group of boys raced down the hallway. "WHAT A RUSH!"

"Told you!" Nick said, grinning maniacally.

Behind them, the library alarm was going of loudly, and students were peering out of classrooms. The librarian was yelling and shaking her fist angrily, but none of the warblers (or Kurt) paid her any attention.

They made it to Wes's dorm in record time, and found Blaine already there, holding the Harry Potter book and giggling.

"So," he said with a grin, "Who's next?"


	4. The Warblers Go Shopping

_A/N: Hey people :) I had SO MUCH FUN working on this one. It's the longest one so far, but I'm pleased with it. Thank you SO MUCH, yayfornonsense. Working on this story with you has been the joy of my life. Okay, not really, but it was fun. Thanks SO MUCH for the reviews so far and pretty please keep reviewing and tell me what you think of this one!_

_Disclaimer: Still don't own the magicness that we call Glee. _

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><p>"Please tell me again why we're doing this," David asked.<p>

"Because shopping is the best pastime ever!" Kurt told the older boy, jumping up and down.

"And also because Jeff doesn't own anything besides his Dalton uniform," Blaine added.

"That's not true! I own underwear!"

"Underwear? Really babe? I didn't know it had gotten this bad," Nick said worriedly, rubbing his boyfriend's back.

"Why do we all have to be here? When you called you said it was an emergency, Kurt," David said, annoyed.

"It is an emergency. A fashion emergency."

"Okay, well let's get this over with. I have a date at 7 that I _really _don't want to cancel," Wes said.

"Okay," Kurt began, clapping his hands enthusiastically and turning to face the group of warblers. "Now, the first thing we have to do is find what type of style each of you are."

"What does that even mean?" Wes grumbled.

"I like blue," Thad said confusedly.

Kurt sighed. "We have SO much work to do."

"Relax, babe," Blaine said, throwing an arm around Kurt's shoulders. "I'll help you."

"No offense," Kurt said, throwing Blaine a sidelong glance, "But have you seen what YOU'RE wearing?"

Blaine frowned. "This is from Andrew Mackenzie's collection."

"From like, 2006," Kurt said, unimpressed.

"You guys are SO gay," David remarked.

"Can we get on with it, please?" Jeff complained. "None of us are getting any younger."

"Okay, fine," Kurt huffed. "Now. We'll start with Wes, since he's SO eager to get out of here."

All of the guys snickered at Wes, who rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Everyone, quiet! All right, Wes. Since you're Asian I think we should start with yellows to match your skin undertone. Nothing too bright, of course. That wouldn't match your wonderful personality."

"...That's racist."

"What's a skin undertone?" Thad asked Nick who shrugged.

"I'm not sure if I was just insulted or not," Wes said to David.

"Come on," Kurt said loudly, grabbing Wes by the hand and pulling him forward. "Macy's awaits us."

"Kill me now," Wes moaned.

* * *

><p>"There is NO WAY in HELL I'm putting that on," Thad told Kurt.<p>

"But the folds," Kurt indicated a tuck in the blue fabric, "just here perfectly accentuate your large hip bones."

Jeff pulled at Thad's t-shirt to get a look at his hipbones. "Dude! They really are like...huge!"

Thad turned red. "Thanks a lot, Kurt."

"Don't worry about it," Blaine said grumpily. "It's not you. Kurt seems very keen on insulting everyone today."

"Blaine, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings, but I'm simply not going to allow my boyfriend to walk around in leather pants. It's so excruciatingly unattractive."

"You weren't saying that last night."

"Blaine!" Kurt admonished as the other boys dissolved into fits of laughter.

"Kurt! Look what I found! They hug my curves perfectly!" Nick ran up to the other boy with navy blue dress pants in his hand.

"Kurt, what have you done? You've turned my boyfriend into...you!" Jeff bemoaned.

Ignoring Jeff, Kurt hugged Nick and said to him with a smile, "Those will look amazing on you. I can't wait to see them."

Nick grinned back, pleased. "This shopping thing is not as bad as I thought it was going to be."

"See? I told you," Kurt said smugly. "It's all about finding your niche. I find shopping extraordinarily relaxing."

"That's not the only thing you find relaxing," Blaine commented from the corner. He seemed to have given up being mad at Kurt and was now determined, in Kurt's opinion, to embarrass him right off the face of the earth.

Kurt blushed and gave Blaine the evil eye. "Shut up, Blaine."

"You guys must go at it a lot," David said conversationally.

"Oh, you have NO idea," Blaine replied, waggling his eyebrows.

Kurt, if possible, turned even redder. "Can we PLEASE stop talking about my sex life?"

As the other boys burst into another fit of laughter, Kurt composed himself and shushed them. "Alright, let's move on. I think we've fully covered this store. I think there's a sale at The Gap."

Blaine turned as red as Kurt was before, and the other guys slapped him on the back playfully. "Blaine's sure going to enjoy that one."

"Kurt, can we PLEASE not go to The Gap? It brings back embarrassing memories."

"Aw, I was kinda hoping we'd run into some employee I could sing "When I Get You Alone" to," Kurt teased.

"Shut up," Blaine muttered, burying his face in his hands.

"You had it coming, dude," Wes said, wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes.

"No, we really have to go to The Gap, though. They have the best sunglasses like...ever," Jeff said.

"Who's turning into Kurt now?" Nick teased.

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Nick. We go to Dalton. I mean, take Wes, for example. Even he's a little bit gay."

Wes made an indignant noise, but Kurt spoke over him. "Okay guys, enough with the pointless chatter. To the Gap we go."

* * *

><p>"Okay," Kurt said, turning to face his little entourage as they entered the store, "Rule number one: what should you always remember about sales racks?"<p>

"...To always put things back where you found them?" Thad guessed.

"No," Kurt said firmly. "The number one thing you must remember about sales racks is: NEVER shop on them."

"I don't understand," Jeff stated.

"Clothing that has gone on sale is generally cheaper fabric, ruined or totally out of style," Kurt said. "Let me give you a hint: if it's been on the rack for more than a week, it is officially old news in the fashion world."

David looked down at his Dalton blazer, which he had had for going on three years and paled. "I think I've just had an epiphany! Kurt, you've made me see the light! Is this three-year-old blazer worthy of the awesomeness that is David Thompson? I think not! I'm better than that and I deserve better!"

"Hear, hear," Nick applauded.

"David, I have never been so proud of you," Kurt said, tearing up.

"So wait, I'm a bit confused. Why did you want to come to the Gap because they were having a sale, when you don't even want us looking on the sale racks...?" Thad asked.

"Because I wanted to torture Blaine," Kurt said smugly.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Blaine moaned

"Not nearly enough," Kurt retorted. "Okay! Now that Blaine has been officially embarrassed and you guys learned an important lesson in the process, it's time to move on."

"Jeff still hasn't bought anything," Nick said, pointing at his boyfriend as they entered American Eagle.

"Nick, quit tattle-tailing on me!" Jeff complained.

"I'm sorry, Jeff, but Nick is right. I care about you too much to let you own nothing besides ugly Dalton clothes. I'm going to go find you several things to try on." And with that, Kurt was off towards the denim racks, practically at a jog.

"Thanks a lot, Nicky," Jeff said, turning his back.

"Oh, you'll live," Nick said with a wave of his hand. "Here," he dug a ten dollar bill out of his pocket and handed it to his boyfriend. "Go buy yourself a pair of sunglasses as consolation."

"But Kurt said..."

"What Kurt doesn't know won't hurt him," Nick interjected, rolling his eyes at the large ON SALE sign above the sunglasses rack.

"Or us," Wes added.

Jeff grinned excitedly. "Your _so _right! Thanks, baby!" He gave Nick a peck on the cheek and ran over to the wrack, pulling off several pairs of sunglasses to try on.

"What do you guys think of these?" Thad asked, holding up a pair of puke-colored jeans to his legs.

"I think Alexander McQueen is rolling over in his grave," Blaine said, rolling his eyes.

Just then, Kurt approached the group. "Thad, please put those back before I vomit on them."

"You probably couldn't tell even if you did," David said, shaking his head.

Discouraged, Thad folded the pants and put them back on the rack. "Why can't I find fashionable clothes like everyone else?" He complained.

"Don't worry, honey," Kurt rubbed his back soothingly, "Blaine isn't much better."

"That was harsh."

* * *

><p>"Jeff, no! NO! Were you even paying attention to rule number 7?<p>

"Not really..."

"NEVER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. PUT YOUR CLOTHES IN A PLASTIC BAG," Kurt shouted.

"I thought that was rule number five," Thad muttered to Wes, who shrugged.

"But why can't you..."

"Because the dyes from the bag will stain the underlying fibers of the material!" Kurt screamed.

"Woah, babe, calm down," Blaine said. "It's just shopping."

"It isn't just shopping, Blaine," Kurt snapped. "Would you tell Christian Dior that his new over the shoulder leather covered evening satchel was just a bag? Would you tell Giorgio Armani that his new Venetian silk ties were just ties? Would you tell Alexander McQueen TO HIS FACE that clothes were just clothes…"

"…Except he's dead…" Nick muttered

"…I THINK NOT! So its not just shopping, Blaine. If it was just shopping then thousands of men and women would not build their lives around it!"

"…And that effectively killed the mood." David remarked.

"I hate to break it to you, Blaine, but I really don't think you'll be getting any tonight." Jeff told his friend sympathetically.

Blaine huffed indignantly. "I'd be careful if I were you, Jeff. If Kurt finds out you bought those sunglasses that were on sale, you might never get any more either."

"Jeff bought sunglasses that were on SALE?" Kurt asked.

"Thanks, Blaine."

"Misery loves company," Blaine gave Jeff a fake smile.

"Why do I feel like we should break into song right now?" Thad questioned.

"Restrain yourself. It'll pass." David said, patting Thad on the shoulder.

"WHAT SUNGLASSES THAT WERE ON SALE, JEFF?"

"Is he always like this?" Nick muttered to Blaine.

"No, in bed he's quite…"

"OMIGOD, IS THAT ALL YOU THINK ABOUT?" Wes asked, aggravated.

"No, but Kurt's just so damn good at…"

"SHUT UP!" They all yelled.

"JEFFEREY STERLING. HAND OVER THE SUNGLASSES RIGHT NOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DELIBERATELY BROKE RULE #1."

"I'm kinda scared for his safety right now…" Nick said.

"No!" Jeff said defiantly. "They're my sunglasses and I'll keep them if I want to!"

"HAND. OVER. THE. SUNGLASSES. AND. NO. ONE. GETS. HURT."

"Diva alert."

"You're a bit late on that one, David."

"MAKE ME!" Jeff screamed, running away from Kurt.

"Guys, please, we're going to get kicked out of the mall." Nick said.

"Omigod, did Kurt just growl?" Thad asked.

"Yup, that was definitely a growl." Wes confirmed.

"That's so sexy."

"GO AWAY, BLAINE!"

* * *

><p>As Kurt exited the last store, he looked around for the other boys. He spotted them sitting on a bench by the fountain, looking exhausted.<p>

Kurt walked over to them and sat down. "I feel like all-in-all this was a successful shopping trip, don't you guys?"

"I still can't believe you made me return my sunglasses," Jeff said angrily as he ran his fingers through Nick's hair, looking down at his sleeping boyfriend.

"They were green, Jeff. GREEN. It was appalling."

"I still kind of want to know what a skin undertone is," Thad said. David just shook his head, giving him a look that said 'don't get him started.'

"What time is it?" Wes asked.

"7:09." David replied.

"Thanks a lot, Kurt. I missed my date. She was really hot, too."

Blaine seemed to have forgotten all about embarrassing Kurt with sexual innuendo and was now refusing to speak at all.

Kurt sighed. "Clearly you all are not cut out for the fashion industry."

"It took you this long to realize that?" Wes said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm adding a new rule to Kurt's list of fashion advice: Don't agree to let Kurt give you a makeover," Jeff remarked.

"Why the hell did we agree to this anyway? Look at us! We're fabulous," Thad said, gesturing to the other boys.

"I agree," Wes said. "Who's up for some ice cream?"

All the boys murmured in agreement and trudged off to the ice cream shop, leaving a sleeping Nick, a sullen, silent Blaine and a confused Kurt.

"It wasn't that bad, was it, Blaine?"

…

"Blaine?"

…

Blaine gave Kurt an evil eye, and walked off, following the others. Kurt looked around the deserted mall, and then down at the still sleeping Nick, who was snoring loudly. "It's official. I'm never taking the Warblers shopping ever again."


	5. The Warblers Go to a Restaurant

_A/N: Hey everyone :) So I kind of didn't work on this story for like 5 days...because I got lazy...but anyway here's an update :D I feel like it could've been funnier, but you tell me what you think. It's kinda Jeff/Nick centered, because, GEEZ LOUISE, those two make me go crazy. Anywhoodle, thanks for all the reviews and please keep 'em coming!_

* * *

><p>"There's a spot!" Thad exclaimed, jumping up and down in his seat.<p>

"Calm down, man," David laughed as he pulled into the parking space.

"You only turn 18 once, David, and I'm spending it with my 6 favorite friends of all time, so I have the right to be excited," Thad said, still grinning like a 6-year-old boy on Christmas morning.

"By the way, David, thanks for choosing a Jaguar as your car. I really enjoyed sitting in Jeff's lap the whole ride," Nick said sarcastically, shutting his car door.

"Oh, you know you did," Jeff said, wriggling his eyebrows. Nick rolled his eyes as the boys made there way towards the restaurant.

"I heard this was a really good place to eat," Kurt commented.

"Well since I'm paying it better be good" Wes mumbled grumpily.

"I'm sorry you're still upset about losing our Angry Birds tournament, Wes, but could you please just try to be pleasant? Just for tonight?" Thad pleaded.

"Yeah, Wes, it's his birthday," David repeated.

Blaine opened up the door in a very gentlemanly manner. "After you, birthday boy," He said with a smile.

"Hi! How many?" A very preppy hostess asked, her blonde ponytail swinging back and forth.

"7." Wes told her.

"Right this way," She said, eyeing Jeff with a smile. Nick took Jeff's hand protectively, frowning at her.

After they were seated, she gave them each a menu. "Your waitress will be right with you. My names Kara if you need anything." She smiled towards Jeff and gave him a wink. "Enjoy."

Jeff winked back at her playfully as she walked away, which earned him a slap in the chest from Nick. "What was that for?" He asked, annoyed.

"Stop flirting with her!" Nick demanded.

"Are you jealous, Nicky?" Jeff teased.

"Of course not!"

"I think you are."

"I'm not!"

"Are too."

"AM NOT."

"ARE TOO!"

"Guys! Please stop arguing! Everything isn't about you all the time," Thad told them, frustrated.

Wes rolled his eyes. "Okay everyone, now I know this is a steak house, but NO STEAK. Or lobster. Or anything over $12."

"Even me?" Thad pouted.

"Okay, you can spend $13," Wes said with a smile.

"Gee, how generous," He replied sarcastically

"I think I'm going to get a burger," Blaine piped up. He turned towards the head Warbler, "$7.50, Wes."

"No, you're not, Blaine," Kurt said, eyes never leaving the menu.

"Huh?"

"We're on a diet. No meat, no cheese, no bread. You can get the garden salad with no croutons like me."

"Oh, come on, Kurt! It's Thad's birthday! Can't I break the diet just today?"

"No, Blaine."

"Kurt, you can't tell me what to get to eat. Your not my mother," Blaine snapped.

"Hi everyone! My names Melissa and I'm going to be taking care of you guys tonight."

"Melissa?"

"Jeff?"

"Hey, Mel! It's great to see you! I didn't know you worked here," Jeff said.

"Yeah, I just got a job here about 3 months ago. It's great to see you too! Are you still going to Dalton?" She asked.

"Yup, and still warbling with the Warblers," He told her, grinning.

"That's awesome! Nick, hey! I didn't see you there at first!"

"Melissa." Nick said coolly.

She smiled. "So can I get you guys something to drink?"

"Just come water for us will be fine," Kurt said, gesturing towards himself and Blaine, who was frowning.

"Me too," Thad seconded. David and Wes agreed.

"I'll have a coke," Jeff told her.

"He'll have water," Wes said, sending a look towards Jeff that said 'don't argue with me.'

"Um, okay. Nick?"

"Can I have some scotch?"

She laughed. "I'll bring out 7 waters."

"Who was that?" Kurt asked as she waked away.

"My friend Melissa," Jeff said nonchalantly.

"He means his ex-girlfriend Melissa," Nick said moodily.

"Oh, come on, Nick, I'm so over her. We broke up like, a year ago."

"She broke up with you."

"It was mutual."

"I still have scarring mental images of watching Brokeback Mountain with you guys. Or should I say, _I_ watched while _you guys_ made out," Nick recalled.

Jeff smiled at the memory. "We didn't make out the whole time," He protested. Nick was about to say differently when Thad spoke up.

"People! I don't care about ex-lovers and present-lovers and any kind of relationship drama! Right now, I'd like to enjoy my birthday without any bantering, got it?"

They all ignored him and kept arguing.

Just then, Melissa brought them their waters. "Okay, who's ready to order?"

Nick, Wes, Thad, David, and Jeff all told her what they wanted, Wes eyeing Jeff when he chose a pasta dinner costing $11.99.

"I'll have a burger," Blaine requested quickly.

"No, he won't!" Kurt said forcefully. "We'll both have garden salads, no croutons."

"Kurt, if I want a –"

"Blaine," Kurt shot him a warning side-glance.

"Um, okay. 2 garden sal," Melissa mumbled as she wrote down the order. "I'll be right back with some rolls, guys."

"Okay, I think it's time Thad opened his presents," Kurt said excitedly.

Thad grinned. "Aw, you guys didn't have to get me anything."

…

"Alright, alright, let me open them!"

Kurt handed over his first with a smile. "It's from me and Blaine. I hope you like it."

Thad opened the perfectly wrapped package and pulled out a blue designer sweater. So Kurt. "Thanks, guys, I love it." He gave both of his friends side hugs.

"Okay, open mine, open mine!" Jeff exclaimed.

"…An ice cream scooper. Thanks, Jeff, but this isn't a wedding shower."

"No, remember the time you had that 4th of July party? And you had to scoop the ice cream with a spoon because you didn't have an ice cream scooper?"

"…No"

"Oh, come on. 4th of July party, like, 2 years ago?"

After an awkward silence, Thad gave Jeff a smile. "Well anyway, thanks, Jeff."

Jeff looked a little hurt, but recovered quickly as the birthday festivities continued. Thad opened Nick's present next, which was a new guitar strap, and David and Wes got him the complete set of Twilight books. "You'll fall in love with them," Wes said with a grin.

"Actually, we totally just gave them to you to annoy you," David explained, smirking.

Thad rolled his eyes but smiled. "I love you all. Thanks so much." Just then Melissa came up with the bread.

"Ooo, who's birthday is it?" She asked, seeing all the wrapping paper and gifts.

"Thad's" Jeff informed her.

"Well, happy birthday!" She leaned down to Jeff's ear. "I can get a bunch of the waiters to come sing happy birthday if you want."

"I think the Warblers have that taken care of, but thanks," Jeff whispered back. Nick frowned at the close proximity of Melissa and his boyfriend. He lightly tugged on Jeff's jacket to pull him farther away from the waitress.

"Okay, well, let me know if you need anything." And with that, Melissa was off to serve more customers. As soon as she'd left, Blaine quickly reached for a roll. As he was about to take a bite, Kurt slapped his hand and grabbed the bread. "No bread, Blaine! WAY too many carbs."

"But-"

"No buts, Blaine."

* * *

><p>About 30 minutes later, the boys had all finished their meals and were now just chitchatting, waiting for Wes to pay the bill.<p>

"Thad was some good food," David sighed contentedly, patting his stomach.

"It better have been _excellent_," Wes said, turning green from looking at the check.

"I'm still hungry, thanks to Kurt, Blaine complained.

"The meal we had was very satisfying, Blaine. Now I think we should go home and take a 4 mile walk to burn off all the calories we had."

"What calories? I had leaves and water!"

"Exercise is essential for physical well-being, darling."

"You know, Kurt, if I didn't know better, I'd said this is a round-about way of calling me fat." Blaine crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh, come on, Blaine. All Kurt's saying is that exercise is essential for physical well-being," David mocked.

"Nick, I don't understand why you're so upset! Melissa and I are over!"

"Then why'd you just make googly eyes at her?" Nick demanded.

"I don't even know what that _means_!"

"What if your not over her?" Nick asked quietly.

"That's ridiculous," Jeff argued.

"Is it? She broke up with you, Jeff. You might still be with her if she didn't."

"Come on, Nick, that's not true. You know I love you," Jeff replied earnestly. The rest of the Warblers were all getting uncomfortable now, except for Kurt who was acting like he was watching an intense romance movie.

"Then why didn't you tell her we were together?" Nick asked, looking at the floor.

"Okay, guys!" Melissa came up to the table and collected the money from Wes. "I hope you all enjoyed. Great to see you again, Jeff."

"Melissa, I have to tell you something. Nick and I are dating now, and I know you and I were together for a really long time and I didn't think I was gay or anything, and I'm not even sure I am completely gay, I'm just into Nick. And I'm sorry if this really hurts your feelings, because I know how much you loved me when we dated, but my heart is completely Nick's now because I'm crazy, madly, head-over-heals in love with him." When Jeff was finished with his speech, he smiled proudly.

Nick blushed a deep scarlet and avoided eye contact with anyone, while Melissa laughed. "I know. You changed your relationship status on Facebook."

Now it was Jeff's turn to blush. "Oh."

She chuckled again. "You guys have a good night. Oh, and by the way, it's totally obvious anyway. I knew it ever since we watched Brokeback Mountain together. And every time you look at him you make googly eyes." She winked at the couple and walked away.

"Jeff, I-"

"I know."

…

"This is extremely awkward," Wes said, trying to look away from the now making-out couple.

"It's so romantic," Kurt said with a dreamy expression.

"Guys, seriously," an embarrassed David started, "People are staring. Cut it out!" The two finally broke apart, but still wouldn't unlock eyes.

"Why did this birthday party that was supposed to be centered around ME end up being all about Jeff and Nick? Then again, why am I surprised that it did," Thad mumbled mostly to himself.

"Ready guys?" Blaine asked. The other Warblers nodded and they broke out into "Happy Birthday" in 6 part-harmony. Practically everyone in the restaurant applauded after they were finished, and Thad beamed. "Thanks you guys."

"Anything for you, Thady-poo!" David said, pulling his friend into a large bear hug.

"Omigod, never call me that again."

"Hey, Jeff, do you want to like…go watch Brokeback Mountain?" Nick asked.

"I'll put in the movie, but no promises on paying attention to it." Jeff waggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"Come on, Blaine. My basement's treadmills await us," Kurt grabbed his boyfriend's hand and dragged him out the door.

"Come on, David, I'm late for my work shift. I desperately need to make some money now, too," Wes said, eyeing Thad. And before he could say anything, all the boys left Thad sitting alone at the table.  
>He ran outside to try and catch them before they left, but he was too late. Cursing his friends for leaving him here without a car, he plopped down on a bench and waited for someone to take pity on him. "Worst. Birthday. Ever," He groaned.<p>

After about 20 minutes had passed, Melissa came outside and spotted Thad. "What are you still doing here?"

"They forgot me."

"Oh, well, if you need a ride I'd be glad to give you one. Actually, I was kind of wondering if you wanted to, maybe, go to dinner with me sometime?"

"S-sure, I'd love to!" Thad replied all-too-eagerly.

"Awesome." As they made their way towards Melissa's car, Thad couldn't help but say to himself, "Best. Birthday. Ever."


	6. The Warblers Go to the Pool

_A/N: Chapter 6 is here :) Thanks for all the reviews everyone! I got the most for this last chapter which made me really happy. I've been working on this chapter on and off for a while now, so I'm thankful to FINALLY call it complete. Please keep reviewing!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

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><p>"CANNON BALL!"<p>

David jumped off the diving board and splashed into the water as Wes slid down farther in his chair and covered his face with his hands. "I so DON'T know him."

"It's not that bad, Wes," Thad said with laugh.

"No, your right. It wouldn't be. If he hadn't done it OVER FIFTY TIMES!"

"Why's Blaine talking to the lifeguard?" Kurt asked suspiciously, trying to hear what they were saying.

Thad whistled. "She is HOT."

"She's not as hot as me."

"I feel uncomfortable commenting on that statement."

"…All I'm saying is, only nerds wear t-shirts in the pool, Jeff," Nick was telling boyfriend as they walked back from the dressing rooms.

"Jeff, I think it's perfectly fine if you wear a t-shirt in the pool. As Nick was saying, it's what all the losers do," Wes told his friend with faux-compassion

"I didn't say losers."

"But it's what you meant."

"But it's not what I said."

"So you basically just admitted it's what you meant."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID."

"Stop, guys! Geez, can you go one day without fighting with each other?" Thad said, rolling his eyes. "Jeff, you should do whatever you want."

"Blaine is still talking to that lifeguard. And they're laughing. Why do you think they're laughing? I think he just winked at her. Wes, did you see that? I'm pretty sure he winked at her."

"I didn't see anything, Kurt."

"Oh. I probably shouldn't worry about it, right? I mean, Blaine loves me. Plus he's gay. I don't have anything to worry about, right? Right guys?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sure."

"Okay, well I'm getting in the pool. Who's coming with me?" Nick said, pulling off his shirt.

"I will!" Thad replied.

Wes took off his sunglasses and stood. "I'll join you too. I really need to keep an eye on David. I'm pretty sure he just cut a little girl in the diving board line. David! DAVID! You just made a little girl cry!"

"Coming babe?" Nick asked Jeff.

"No, I'll just stay here and…practice doo-oping in perfect harmonization behind Blaine."

Nicks brow furrowed in confusion, but he decided to let it go. "Okay then…how bout you, Kurt?"

"No, I think this is probably the best angle to spy on Blaine and the lifeguard. I probably shouldn't just go up there and tell Blaine to quit talking to her, should I? No, that'd be silly. And way to obvious. I know Blaine won't cheat on me. I mean, sure she's an attractive girl, and Blaine has had difficulties with confidence in his sexuality before but he won't cheat on me. He won't, right? Right, guys? Guys?"

* * *

><p>"David, if you go off the diving board one more time, you might vomit."<p>

"Don't worry, Wes. I'll be fine."

"…Okay, thanks for your number. I'll be by around 7, is that good? Alright, see you then."

"Did Blaine just a make a date with the lifeguard?" Thad asked with wide eyes.

"No, definitely not. Wait – did he?"

"He just said 'thanks for your number' and then 'I'll be by around 7'. Sure sounds like a date to me."

"Oh, no. This is going to crush Kurt's soul."

"Who's going to tell him?" Nick asked.

"Considering Kurt has never been one to accept the phrase 'don't shoot to messenger', I'll just let you all take care of this one," David said, making his way back to the diving board.

"I'm sure as hell not doing it," Wes said.

"I'll tell him," Thad said confidently.

"Thad, before you go, I want you to know, I always thought of you as one of my dearest friends," Wes said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Thanks, Wes," Thad muttered. "Here goes nothing."

* * *

><p>"Did you do it?"<p>

"What'd he say?"

"Did he slap you?"

"I didn't do anything. When I got back to the table, Kurt and Blaine were happy couple cuddling. I just couldn't do it to Kurt. I actually have a heart," Thad said, getting back in the pool.

"Thad! If Blaine really is cheating on Kurt, then it's going to be ten times worse when he finds them making out in Blaine's dorm room," Wes pointed out, rolling his eyes when David splashed him, giggling madly.

All of the boys eyed David for a moment before resuming their conversation.

"I know, I know," Thad moaned. "It was just too hard! Kurt looked so content and in love."

"That really is tragic," Nick said.

"Someone has to tell him," Wes said seriously.

"Maybe Blaine will," Thad said hopefully.

All of the other boys gave Thad weird looks.

"Blaine? Why would he do that?" Nick wondered aloud.

"Maybe he'll be man enough to just break up with Kurt instead of cheating on him."

"You're dreaming."

"I just feel so bad for him. He's just so…tiny," Thad sighed.

"Actually he's taller than Blaine," Wes pointed out.

"Technicalities." Thad waved his hand dismissively.

"Boys, did you remember to put sunscreen on?" Kurt yelled from the table.

"Maybe…"

"Come here right now. Putting on sunscreen is very important. Burnt skin can lead to skin cancer, and not to mention the fact that it's completely unattractive." He slipped out of Blaine's arms and unzipped his bag, taking out a bottle of sun block.

The Warblers groaned and got out of the pool, running over to the table and grabbing towels.

"Care Bears? Really, David?"

"Wesley, it has been proven that the rate of child mental development increases by almost 30% when said children are exposed to Care Bears. I see nothing wrong with having a picture of a cute, pink, fluffy Care Bear on my towel. They are intelligent and joyful."

"…That's creepy," Thad stated.

"Jeff, you should seriously get in the pool. It's so depressing to see you sitting here all alone… with Kurt," Nick said, rubbing sunscreen on his arms.

"No, really, I'm fine. Just…go on without me. This article is really fascinating, I want to know what happens," Jeff replied, flipping through a magazine.

"Jeff, I happen to know for a fact that you've read that magazine at least twice. And we all know you don't care about Sandra Bullock's divorce. What's wrong?" Nick asked his boyfriend, concerned.

"Nothing," Jeff said exasperatedly.

"Jeff, I've known you my entire life, you can't lie to me."

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes you are, I can tell."

"How?"

"Your left eye is twitching. That means you're lying," Nick said casually.

"So you can-"

"Always tell when you're lying."

"Whoa, man. You're screwed," Wes said.

Nick rolled his eyes and pulled Jeff over to a corner where no one could hear them. "Babe, tell me what's wrong," Nick asked quietly.

"I…I don't…look good in a bathing suit," Jeff mumbled.

"W-what? Jeff, is that seriously what you're worried about?" Jeff turned red and nodded.

Nick gave a small laugh. "Jeffy, that's silly. None of the guys care what you look like. We all love you." Jeff nodded again.

Nick wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist. "Plus, I happen to know first hand that my boyfriend has a pretty hot body."

Jeff smiled and gave Nick a peck on the lips. "Thank you."

"Shall we go join David and Thad? I'm pretty sure they just got back in the pool." The boys ran off towards the water, not noticing a hysteric Kurt as they walked by.

"BLAINE! HOW COULD YOU?"

"Thanks a lot, Wes," Blaine mumbled to his friend who was lying on a pool chair.

"Somebody had to do it, Blaine. I wasn't just going to let you cheat on your boyfriend like that. That's un-cool."

"I WASN'T CHEATING!" Blaine turned back to Kurt. "Babe, let me please explain-"

"Don't call me that!" Kurt snapped, folding his arms across his chest.

"Kurt, look. Karla and I were only talking because she wondered if I was interested in babysitting her SON while she and her BOYFRIEND attend some conference."

"What kind of mother gets her babysitters at a public pool?" Wes wondered aloud.

Kurt ignored him and slowly uncrossed his arms. "Babysitting?"

Blaine nodded. "I swear that's all it was. I really can't believe you would think I would cheat on you," he said, sounding hurt.

"Yeah, Kurt, what were you thinking?" Wes asked from the chair.

They both stared at Wes for a minute and then turned back to each other. "I'm sorry I doubted you, Blaine," Kurt whispered.

"I just want you to trust me."

Kurt grabbed the other boy's hand. "I do trust you. Completely."

"I love you so much," Blaine said, pulling Kurt into a hug.

"I love you too."

"Can you feel it? Feel the love? Nothing feels better than feeling the love. Everybody knows that when push comes to shove, nothing feels better than-"

"Shut up, Wes. I hope you realize your like…completely sun burnt," Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

"What? No I'm not! I have a healthy, attractive glow!" Wes protested.

"Only if you consider red an attractive skin tone," Blaine smirked.

"Come on, Blaine. Sitting here all day spying on you has been KILLER in this heat. Let's get in the pool." Kurt and Blaine made their way towards David, Jeff, and Nick who were standing in the shallow end of the pool.

Wes held up his arm and examined his skin. "I'm not sun burnt," He mumbled to himself as Thad approached the table.

A sudden slap in the face from Thad made Wes scream with pain, not realizing that it had only been a small pat.

"You're definitely sun burnt, Wes."


	7. The Warblers Crash Jeff and Nick's Date

_A/N: Here's an update :) This one is pretty Jeff/Nick centered. Who am I kidding, this one is completely based on my creepy undying love for Neff. So I hereby apologize to all the people that find this one annoying. But for all you losers like me, enjoy! And if you review, you'll make my day :) _

_(Sorry about that Glee quote...sometimes I just can't restrain myself) _

* * *

><p>"…So that is why President Wilson declared war with Germany."<p>

Nick stifled a yawn. It had been a long day. Like, a really long day. He had had to get up early for an "emergency Warbler meeting" but it ended up being something stupid about how Blaine had sneezed the night before so Wes was really worried he wouldn't be able to sing at their next performance. For Sunny Brook Preschool. Who. Cares.

After what seemed like an eternity, the bell rung. Nick gathered up all his books and exited the classroom quickly, more eager than usual to get out of there. He started making his way towards his dorm room when he felt a pair of arms slip around his waist from the back.

"Hey, sexy," Jeff whispered in Nick's ear.

Nick smiled and turned around to face Jeff. "Hey! I haven't seen you all day, where were you this morning?"

"I had some personal business to attend to," Jeff said mysteriously.

"Personal business?"

"No questions, Nicky," The blonde said dismissively. "Guess what today is?"

"Hmm, national peach pie day?" Nick guessed.

"You don't remember?" Jeff asked, looking hurt.

Nick rolled his eyes. "Of course I remember! Happy anniversary, baby." He kissed Jeff on the cheek.

Jeff grinned. "2 years." He shook his head in disbelief. "How have I put up with you for that long?"

"Worst 2 years of my life," Nick teased.

"Best 2 years of my life," Jeff responded sweetly.

"You're such a sap," Nick said with a laugh.

"But you love me."

"Too true."

"So where are you going to take me tonight?" Jeff asked, slipping his arms from Nick's waist and throwing one over his shoulder.

"Where are _you _going to take _me _tonight?" Nick countered.

Jeff gave the brunette a look. "I, being the sweet, responsible, and thoughtful boyfriend, made reservations at The Lexington."

"Legit? That's like – the fanciest restaurant in Ohio!" Nick said excitedly.

"You can tell me how awesome I am now."

Nick rolled his eyes in response and involuntarily intertwined his fingers with Jeff's as they walked toward their dorm room.

"NEFF!" David screamed as he ran towards them. When he reached the couple he stopped and enveloped them both in a bear hug. "Happy anniversary to you, happy anniversary to you, happy anniversary dear Neff, happy anniversary to you!"

Nick laughed. "Thanks, David."

"What are you two lovebirds doing for the special day?"

"I'm taking Nick to The Lexington," Jeff said, a hint of pride in his voice.

David gasped. "No way!" He turned and screamed towards a group of Dalton students. "Blaine! _Blaine! _BLAINE!"

Blaine waved goodbye to the group of boys and ran over to where David stood, grinning widely. "Happy anniversary, Nicky and Jeffy!"

Before the couple could respond, David jumped in. "They're going to The Lexington!"

Blaine's eyes widened. "Really? Could you take Kurt with you, because he's been begging me to go there for ages," he said with a laugh.

Just then, Jeff's cell phone rang. "Hey, Flint," He said as he put the phone on speaker.

"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY NICK AND JEFF!" He screamed.

"I'm slightly touched but mostly creeped out that every single Warbler remembered our anniversary," Jeff said to Nick, who nodded in agreement.

Ignoring them, Flint went on. "I'm so sorry I have to be in stupid Guatemala for your anniversary. I really wanted to be there. You two officially have the longest lasting relationship in Warbler history!"

"Really? That's SO cool!" David piped up.

"There's absolutely no way you could know that," Wes said matter-of-factly as he approached the others.

"Whatever, Wes, they're cute," Flint snapped. "The water mom! MOM! GET THE CHEESE!"

"I feel like I walked in on this conversation at the wrong time," Thad said, joining the others.

"Guys," Flint began, "I have to go. I'll see you Friday. Love ya...Mom! THE EGGPLANT IS ON FIRE!" The line went dead, and Jeff shut the phone.

"Okay, guys, well if you'll excuse us, I want to go make out with Jeff" Nick said, grabbing Jeff's hand again as they continued walking.

"But we have Warblers rehearsal right now," Wes called after them, but they were already flying down the stairs.

"Those two are adorable," Blaine cooed.

"Agreed," Thad said.

"Guys," David gestured for the boys to come closer in a huddle. "I have an idea."

* * *

><p>David peered through the fancy glass doors of The Lexington. "I think they've already been seated."<p>

"This is a really bad idea," Wes commented worriedly.

"No, it's not! They'll love it!" David opened up the doors and stepped inside purposefully, followed by Thad, Wes, and a sneezing Blaine.

"Are you okay, Blaine?" Thad asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Blaine said prior to another sneeze.

"Okay, I see them. Everybody ready?" The other Warblers nodded in response and followed David over to Jeff and Nick's table.

Nick spotted them first, and his brow wrinkled in confusion. "David? Thad?"

Jeff turned around in his chair to see whom Nick was talking to, and his eyes narrowed at the sight of his fellow Dalton students. "What the HELL are you guys doing here?"

"Surprise! We've come to sing you a romantic medley for your anniversary. Our gift to you," David said, grinning.

Before Jeff could object, David motioned for the other Warblers to start the song. Blaine sang the solo, of course, but he didn't get very far until he started coughing profusely.

"Blaine, are you sure you're okay?" Thad asked again.

"I'm fine," Blaine managed to sputter out in between coughs.

Nick got out of his chair and handed Blaine his glass of water, which would've probably cured him enough to finish the song if he hadn't started choking on it. After composing himself as best he could, Blaine put a weak smile on his face, but it was hard to keep because he kept coughing so much. "Okay, let's start over!"

"Blaine, I think it'd be best if you preserved your voice for performances in front of an actual audience," Wes said forcefully.

"NO!" David interjected. "We have to finish this song! Blaine will be fine." This caused Blaine, Thad, Wes, and David to break out into an argument, which was finally shushed by an angry Jeff.

"Guys, please just, leave! I just want to spend time with my boyfriend!"

"I know! That's why were here!" David said, frustrated.

"Sorry, but, when did you become a part of this relationship?" Jeff asked sarcastically.

Now all of the Warblers were fighting, except for an embarrassed Nick who was urgently trying to quiet everyone. People were staring now, and the restaurant manager noticed, so he hurried over to the boys and cleared his throat loudly. "Excuse me, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to request that you leave."

Nick and Jeff both turned beet red, Nick from embarrassment and Jeff from anger. Before any of the others could protest, Nick hurriedly ushered them out the doors, shooting various people apologetic glances. On their way out they ran into a frazzled Kurt, who was supposed to meet them there. "Wha-why are you guys leaving?"

Nick just pushed him back out the door, waiting until they were all outside to talk. "Seriously, guys? That was probably the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me."

"That's not true," Thad objected. "Remember that time we-"

"NOT NOW, Thad!"

Kurt looked at Blaine helplessly. "Will you please tell me what's going on?"

Blaine explained the whole fiasco to his boyfriend, which left Kurt only being concerned for Blaine's health. Wes, David, and Thad were still in an argument about the performance, while Nick just sighed and looked over at Jeff who was sitting on the sidewalk, his back up against the restaurant's brick wall, still obviously angry. Nick sank down to sit by Jeff gave him a small smile. "They meant well."

"I'm not mad at them," Jeff mumbled, looking at his hands.

"Who are you mad at?"

"Myself! I tried so freaking hard because I just wanted this day to be perfect, and everything got screwed up!"

"No, it didn't. It was perfect," Nick reassured him. "Because I spent it with you."

Jeff's expression softened as Nick kissed his nose. "I love you."

"I love you too," Nick replied, laying his head on Jeff's shoulder.

"Aww! You guys are so CUTE," Kurt squealed.

Jeff and Nick looked over at the other Warblers who stood a few yards away, all staring at them with goofy smiles on their faces. Jeff rolled his eyes and stood up. "Alright, come here." All the boys attacked each other in a group hug, laughing, and were startled when Nick abruptly pulled away. "Jeff, you never gave me my anniversary present."

"How do you know I got you something?"

"Subtleness is not your best quality, dear."

"Well, you'll just have to wait and see, Nicky."


	8. The Warblers Go Camping

_A/N: The Warblers Go Camping. SMH. Hope you guys like this chapter :) I'm working as dedicatedly as possible on The Warblers On Crack, but I'm also working on a multi-chapter that I'll post in a few weeks, so sorry if the updates are coming less frequently. I already have an idea for the next chapter, though, so I'll I've got to do is start it...haha. Please, please, please review! Love you guys (:_

* * *

><p>"Are we almost there yet?"<p>

"Quit whining, Wesley," Thad snapped. "We'll be there soon enough."

Wes looked around at his surroundings. He imagined there would've been a lot of pretty, colorful things in the woods that smelled really good too. But it was just trees. And it smelled like animal poop.

Thad stopped and looked at his map, and then at the 3 different paths that were ahead of them. His brow wrinkled in confusion as he looked at the map more closely.

"Thad, do you actually know where you're going?" David asked, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"Of course!"

Jeff rolled his eyes and plopped down on a boulder that was beside the path. He pulled off his backpack and groaned. "I'm so tired! You said it wasn't that far from the main road, Thad."

"I thought…the map clearly says…" Thad trailed off, trying to decipher the map.

"I'm pretty sure that map if from like 1945, Thad," Blaine said. "It's probably not going to get us anywhere."

"Where's Kurt?" Nick asked.

Blaine sighed. "KURT!"

Just then, a dirty and tired looking Kurt trudged up the path, moaning and groaning. "I cannot believe you convinced me to come on this stupid camping trip, Blaine. I don't know if I'll EVER be able to get out all the dirt from under my nails."

"Aww, poor baby," Wes said sarcastically.

Kurt stuck his tongue out at Wes, and then turned to their trail guide. "Thad, you're paying for my mani when we get home."

Ignoring him, Thad pointed to the middle path. "I'm pretty sure this is the one. Wait…bomb shelter…maybe not." He turned over the map to look at the other side.

"Nick, what the hell are you wearing?" David asked, smirking.

"This is the only thing I could find adequate for camping, David."

"A boy scouts uniform from like 6 years ago? I'd hardly call that adequate."

"It still fits perfectly fine!" Nick protested, looking down at his once-pants that now went down only to his knees. "Don't you think, Jeffy?"

"Sure, babe."

Kurt let out another groan. "My feet kill. What ever happened to 'it's about a 10 minute walk from town', Thad?"

"If you guys would quit complaining, maybe I'd be able to find our camp sight!" Thad barked.

Blaine sunk to the ground and pulled out his cell phone. "I'm calling Trent to come pick us up. Who's coming?"

All of the other boys murmured in agreement, except for Thad who quickly snatched Blaine's phone away from him. "No! This is supposed to be Warbler bonding time!"

"I'm not really feeling the connection," Jeff commented.

"Yeah, I just want to go home," Wes agreed.

Blaine snatched back his phone, and started dialing Trent's number. "Wait a minute, guys. I don't have signal here." Everyone pulled out their phones to check for signal bars, but nobody had any, which earned a satisfied grin from Thad.

"We're going to die!" Nick said dramatically.

"We'll be fine," Thad reassured. "Let's take this path." He pointed to the one that was on the far left side.

David shrugged and followed him. The other Warblers copied grudgingly. The path turned out to be quit curvy, and it contained haphazard logs and bushes, which were hard to maneuver around. After they had been walking about 20 minutes, Kurt suddenly tripped over a large log, knocking down himself, Wes, and Jeff.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked, rushing over to Kurt's side.

"I'm fine, thanks," Wes grumbled as he got back to his feet and brushed dirt off of his pants.

"I'm fine, Blaine," Kurt said angrily as he tried to rub out a grass stain on his shirt.

Jeff had fallen on a pile of sticks, so he had several minor cuts in his arm. Nick treated them with the first-aid kit Kurt had brought, while Wes tried to keep David from fainting at the sight of blood. Once everyone was put back together as best as could be, they continued down the path. It wasn't too much longer until they reached their campground, though it seemed like hours.

Thad grinned proudly. "This is it! Home sweet home!"

The other boys looked around, unimpressed. It appeared to be just another section of dirt and leaves. "Are you kidding me?" Kurt asked. "We came all this way just for more trees?"

Thad glared at him. "Yes. Now I'd appreciate it if you'd try to have a better attitude, Kurt."

Jeff faked a smile. "It's really…nice." He turned in a complete circle, taking in the dull atmosphere. "Nice."

"Anyway, let's get our tents set up!" Thad said excitedly. "And then we can build a campfire!"

"Good, I'm starving!" Nick exclaimed.

"Me too," Blaine agreed. "Did you remember the food Wes?"

…

"Wes?"

…

"WES?"

"NO! No, I didn't remember the food, okay? I'm sorry. I had a lot on my mind, and David kept pestering me to marry him on Facebook, so I forgot to put the food in my backpack, and I promise when we start eating each other out here from starvation I can be first. After Thad."

"We are literally going to die! We have no food!" Nick whined.

"Well, we'll just have to find something in the woods. I hope you remember all you learned in boy scouts, Nick. It'll be coming in handy," Thad said cheerfully.

The boys groaned. "Can we _please _just go home?" Jeff asked.

"No. It'll be fun! I'm sure there's lots of edible fruits and vegetables in these parts."

"I think I'll starve, thanks," Kurt muttered.

David and Jeff started pitching the tents, while Nick and Blaine started searching the surrounding woods for food. Wes and Thad just argued about who knows what, and Kurt sat on a rock, pouting.

"Jeff-no, Jeff, you're going to get trapped inside if we do it that way. Jeff!"

"Too late."

Kurt sighed. "You guys really are no use! Even I know how to properly set up a tent, and I'm the gay one!"

"I'm gay too," Jeff protested.

"I'm still not certain," Kurt objected.

David snorted. "You couldn't set up a tent if your life depended on it, Kurt."

"Oh yeah? Watch me." It took about 10 minutes, but sure enough, Kurt successfully put up the tiny tent, surprising the other Warblers thoroughly.

"Where did you learn to do that, Kurt?" Wes asked.

"I taught myself," Kurt said haughtily.

"Who brought the tent?"

"I did," Jeff responded.

"You do realize it's a tent for like, 2 people right?" David smirked.

"I thought we could have Warbler cuddle time!" Jeff said enthusiastically.

"Never mind, you're totally gay." Kurt concluded.

A few minutes later, Nick returned from the woods, looking tired and dirty and empty-handed.

"All that's out there is poison ivy and pine cones, Thad," Nick informed him.

"Where's Blaine?" Jeff asked.

"I don't know," Nick replied nonchalantly.

"You don't _know_? You lost my boyfriend?" Kurt shrieked.

Nick shrugged. "He told me to go on back without him. The woods is not that big, Kurt. He'll be fine."

"There are probably wild animals out there, Nicholas! Lions, and tigers, and bears-"

"Oh my," David couldn't help but mutter.

"-And you left him all by himself? _Defenseless?_"

"He'll be fine!" Nick repeated. "There aren't any tigers or bears within miles of here. Right, Thad?"

"Actually I have no idea."

Kurt let out a frightened yelp and Nick shook his head. "You're the worst trail guide EVER."

A few more minutes passed, which were spent pacing the campground nervously by Kurt, while everyone else tried to calm him down. Finally, Blaine showed up covered in dirt from head to toe, and holding a few blueberries. "This was all I could-" Before he could finish, Kurt kissed him soundly on the mouth. "BLAINE!"

Blaine laughed. "What was that for?"

"I thought you had died!" Kurt replied before kissing Blaine again.

"Why would you think that?" Blaine chuckled.

"Nick said there were lots of lions and tigers in the woods!"

Nick mouth dropped open. "I never said that!" Jeff patted him on the back to calm him down, knowing neither Blaine nor Kurt was paying attention.

"Alright guys," Thad started. "Let's dig in." They all stared at 7 blueberries in Blaine's hand, and then back up at Thad.

"There's one for each of us!" Thad encouraged weakly.

The other Warblers just shook their heads in despair and trudged over to the tent, ready to call it a night.

"Blaine, I set up the tent all by myself," Kurt announced proudly.

"Good job, Kurt! Looks like you finally got it." Blaine smiled and turned to the other boys. "It took me a whole day to teach him how to do it," he explained.

"You taught yourself, huh, Kurt?" David snickered.

The pale boy glared at him and climbed into the tent after Blaine. Once they were all in the tent, practically lying on top of each other, Wes let out a yelp. "Ow! Nick, get off my lap!"

"You can sit on my lap, Nick," Jeff said suggestively.

"I would if I could find you! Anybody remember a flashlight?"

No one had.

"Kurt? Is that you?" Blaine asked, feeling around in the darkness.

"NO! That's not Kurt, so please stop feeling me up!" David yelled.

Once they were all comfortable, (or as comfortable as possible), Thad let out a forced contented sigh. "This has been fun, guys."

…

"Don't you think?"

…

"Guys?"


	9. The Warblers Go to a College Party

_A/N: ...The Warblers are back! And more intoxicated than ever :) I really hope you guys are still with me! I'm so, so, so, SO sorry for taking like...a month to update? I don't even know. It's been inexcusably long. I don't really know what's going to happen with this story, but it's not over yet! I just need some new ideas, so it might be a while before I update (again), but I will keep working on it. I love to Warblers way too much to give them up. _

_Thanks so much for all you guys that are still reading this, and to all the new readers too! I love you all. Please review and let me know what you think :)_

* * *

><p>"Guys! Guys! Guys!" Wes yelled as he came bouncing into the choir room. "You'll never guess what we're doing this weekend!"<p>

Jeff folded up yet another sheet of paper into an airplane threw it across the room, hitting Nick in the head who was working on homework. "God, Jeff, stop it! Some of us are trying to get some work done!" He threw the airplane back in Jeff's direction in effort to hit him, but he missed.

Blaine continued playing scales on the piano for Trent, who was doing vocal warm-ups. "Good, Trent, I know you can hit that F#," he encouraged.

"Come on, guys, take a guess!" Wes whined.

Flint flipped the page in his textbook as Thad and David argued about whom to give the next solo to, and Wes loudly cleared his throat. "Alright, fine, I'll tell you!"

The Warblers sighed in unison and reluctantly turned their attention towards Wes. "What is it, Wes?"

"My cousin is going to sneak all of us into a college party!" Wes exclaimed.

David frowned. "You mean the cousin that tried to get us all to eat poisoned pop-tarts?"

"No, different cousin." Wes grinned. "It's going to be SO AWESOME! There'll be music and drinks, not to mention hot college chicks!" He looked at Blaine, Trent, Nick and Jeff. "Or dudes, in your all's cases."

Flint rolled his eyes. "I'm not going, Wes."

"Of course you're going," Wes insisted.

Flint shook his head. "The last time you planned something for us to do, I ended up stuck in the bowling alley's janitor closet."

Blaine's raised his eyebrows, and Nick shook his head. "You don't want to know."

"This is different, guys! Come on, it's just a party! What could go wrong?"

Saturday night, Wes stopped outside the apartment door and looked at his friends seriously. "Okay. Now, please, just try to act cool! These are my cousins friends are he's going to kill me if we're immature."

Nick sighed sarcastically. "Well, looks like Jeff is going home."

Jeff narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend. "Look who's being immature now," he retorted.

"Look who's being immature now," Nick mimicked in a high voice. The two started bickering loudly, and were immediately hushed by an annoyed Wes.

Blaine straitened his bow tie and smiled proudly. "I think I'm ready," he said confidently.

Trent rolled his eyes. "A bow tie, Blaine? You look like a giant 5 year old."

Before Blaine could protest, Wes loudly cleared his throat. "Alright, we're going in. Now remember. Act sophisticated."

The boys' ears filled with loud, obnoxious music as soon as they opened the door, and Wes smiled coolly, trying but failing to look older. He, followed by Trent and David, went over towards the bar where his cousin was pouring drinks. Flint looked around awkwardly before lamely excusing himself to go to the bathroom, while Jeff clung tightly to Blaine's hand, clearly intimidated by the wildness of the party.

"Jeff, let go of me," Blaine demanded. "You'll be fine, I promise."

"Blaine, I want to go home," Jeff whined. "Where's Nick? OMIGOD, BLAINE, WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND? What if he died out there?" Jeff worried dramatically, staring at the throng of people that consumed what was probably the living room.

"Jeff, I'm confident Nick is fine. Now will you please let go of me? If Wes sees you in this state he's going to FLIP," Blaine said. He let go of Jeff's hand and patted him on the back reassuringly before disappearing into the crowd. Jeff crossed his arms over his chest nervously, and was practically hyperventilating before Nick showed up again, looking cheerful. "I got you a drink," he said.

Jeff put his hand over his heart as if it had stopped. "Nick! Thank GOD you're alright!"

Nick raised his eyebrows in confusion. "I'm fine, Jeff. Getting drinks isn't too life-threatening."

Thad, speaking up for the first time since they'd arrived at the party, protested. "Actually, your body is very affected by alcohol. Not mentioning the fact that getting drunk can lead to hundreds of deathly situations, it releases in your blood stream-"

"Shut up!" Nick snapped. "I really don't want a chemistry lesson, Thad!'

"It's biology, stupid!" Thad said matter-of-factly.

"It's totally anatomy," Jeff piped up.

Thad groaned in exasperation. "How dumb are you? Anatomy is bones."

"Whatever, I'm not in school," Jeff defended.

Thad rolled his eyes and walked over to the bar, where Trent was staring at his drink, looking very pale.

"Trent, buddy, you okay?" David whispered.

Trent only managed to shake his head before vomiting all over the ice bucket, earning him a few laughs and several disgusted stares. Wes turned red, apologizing to his cousin who was discreetly yelling at him for having such immature friends. Blaine glared at Wes's unconcerned attitude for Trent's health and escorted Trent to the bathroom.

"Wes, if you're friends are gonna act like they're 12, then they can leave." Wes's cousin snarled. "With you," he added.

Wes shook his head furiously. "Don't kick us out. I'll talk to them, okay? They'll be chill from now on, I promise."

David smoothed out his jacket and leaned nearer to Thad discreetly. "Does my outfit look gay?" He asked out of the corner of his mouth.

Without looking at him, Thad replied promptly. "Everything you wear looks gay."

David frowned. "That's completely not true," he protested.

Thad turned to face his friend and sighed. "Really? Can you name one shirt you have that didn't come from the men's section of Forever 21?"

David thought for a long moment, and was about to respond before Thad cut him off. "I didn't think so."

Just then Jeff and Nick approached the other boys, Jeff clinging on to Nick's arm tightly and surveying the crowd of partiers, still looking quite nervous. Nick was trying to pull his arm out of his boyfriend's clinch, his cheeks pink with embarrassment. Every time he would try to coax Jeff into letting go of him, Jeff eyes would widen with fright and he would cling even tighter to Nick's arm.

"Is he cutting off your circulation?" Thad smirked as Nick took the seat next to him.

"No, I'm not!" Jeff interjected as he tried to sit on Nick's lap. Nick pushed him off, telling him to find his own chair. Jeff refused and continued to cling to Nick's arm as Flint sat down in the chair next to Nick.

"Where have you been?" Nick asked as he took a swig from his cup of beer.

"What? Um, nowhere, I-I've been here all along," Flint said, trying to sound convincing.

Nick raised his eyebrows, but let the subject drop. Wes came back over to the bar, refilling his cup of…whatever he was drinking. He leaned over the counter and checked to make sure no one was watching him.

"Boys! You need to behave yourselves. We're going to get kicked out of the party if you don't start acting mature," Wes reprimanded sternly.

"Yes, Mom," David muttered sarcastically as he took another drink of vodka. He made a disgusted face as he swallowed, checking to see what was in his cup.

"And stop drinking so much!" Wes scolded as he took slapped Nick's hand away from another beer. "If you get drunk then we're screwed," he said as he walked away, back into the crowd of people, most of which were now making out with someone or wildly dancing to the 90's music that was playing over the lame boom-box.

"They could've at least splurged for a DJ," Thad grumbled as Nick disobeyed Wes's rules and opened another beer.

"This is a college party in a small apartment on the shady end of town, not your junior prom," Nick said, rolling his eyes as he took a swig from his bottle. He looked back at Jeff, who was still clinging to his arm as firm as ever. "Do you want some, Jeffy?"

Jeff looked hesitant, but with a little more persistence from Nick he took a sip slowly. He swallowed apprehensively and handed the bottle back to Nick.

"Jeff, it's beer. You've had beer before," Nick reminded him.

"Not at parties. I only drink beer when you and I play Halo or have a movie night or something."

"Honey, it's not like it tastes any different," Nick said. Jeff shrugged and repositioned his arm around Nick's, resulting in an even tighter grip.

David poured Flint a drink and handed it to him, smiling encouragingly. "Come on, man. Live it up a little."

Flint glanced at David who was giving him the thumbs up, and then at the liquid that was in the red plastic cup. He took a deep breath and shrugged. "Cheers."

A few hours later, it was around midnight. Almost everyone at the party was completely smashed. A few people just sat in the corner and slept, while some people started standing on top of tables and stripping. There were some hysteric sophomores on the couch who went from screaming at the top of their lungs and laughing to sobbing uncontrollably. David had made a makeshift stage of coats and cardboard and was now slurring "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilar for a crowd that wasn't paying him any attention. Blaine and Trent had returned from the bathroom long enough for Trent to get completely intoxicated, surprising the other Warblers that he could actually drink without vomiting again. Flint and Trent were now making out in a corner, and Blaine and Jeff, the only Warblers that were actually sober and going to remember what happened tonight, both agreed to not tell them they'd licked each other's faces off. Wes had found some girl to flirt with, and Thad was telling lame jokes to an imaginary person. Nick was _forcing_ Jeff to give him piggyback rides, and Blaine decided it was time to go home. Neither he nor Jeff were really in a state to drive even though they weren't drunk, so he determined it would be smart to call someone to come pick them up.

Kurt said he would be there in 20 minutes.

As soon as he arrived, Blaine and Jeff somehow managed to get their friends all safely piled into the SUV. Thad had to be placed in between Trent and Flint to keep them from having sex in the back seat, and Wes, Jeff, and Nick all crammed into the middle. Blaine sat in the front seat with David, who refused to sit anywhere but "Blaine-boo's lap."

Kurt put the car into drive, smirking. "A college party, Blaine? You guys are not cool enough for that."

Blaine sighed. "It was Wes's idea."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Like that makes it a _good_ idea," he snorted.

"I'm never doing anything he says again," Blaine mumbled grumpily. He glanced in the backseat where Nick and Wes were having an intense thumb war tournament, squishing Jeff flat. The miserable look on the blonde's face was enough to let Blaine know he agreed.


	10. The Warblers Work at Olive Garden

_A/N: So, needless to say, I'm a jerk. And I can't say I'm sorry enough for leaving you all for what...almost 4 months? PATHETIC. But, here I am, back again with these crazy Warblers. I hope you guys like this update. All those prompts I got in the reviews were excellent, and I did start on almost all of them, I just haven't finished them yet. I hope to have them up soon. I'm going to try my very hardest to be more dedicated to this fanfiction, because I do love it dearly, but I can't make any promises. I'm not very good at keeping those :/_

_Side note, I really have NO knowledge whatsoever about the restaurant buisness, so anything that is said in here that's incorrect, my apologies. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Olive Garden or pretty much anything else in this fic. _

* * *

><p>"Isn't it uncanny that we all got jobs at Olive Garden at the same time?" Jeff said excitedly.<p>

"Not really, considering Nick's dad owns the place," Thad pointed out.

"You know, I never wanted to do this," Wes complained. "I don't have time for a job. Running the Warblers isn't as easy as it looks."

"Come on, Wes. The whole 'Italian restaurant' thing goes with your race!"

"I'm Asian, Jeff."

…

"Right."

"So when do we start?" David asked.

"We all five have a shift tonight, from 4-close," Nick answered.

"Tonight? Ugh, I have a hug project due Monday, I don't have time to work!"

"Well, you have 2 hours, Wesley. I'd recommend getting to it," Jeff grinned, slapping Wes on the back good-naturedly. "I'm so excited!"

* * *

><p>"Do you think this apron is on right?" Thad asked, turning around in front of Wes. The five boys were in the kitchen, preparing for their first night on the job.<p>

"No, stupid." Wes rolled his eyes and walked over to Thad. "I believe it goes this way." He turned the backwards apron around so it was on correctly.

"Jeff, you look extremely sexy in all black," Nick said with a wink, smoothing Jeff's button-down shirt.

"No flirting at work, Nicky!" Jeff objected, taking Nick's hands off of his chest and back to his sides. "But you look pretty damn sexy, too." They shared a grin before tying on their own aprons and getting their order pads. "I'm ready!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Okay, Jeff, you're in charge of the front room with Wes," Thad said, reading off the schedule. "And Nick, David, and I are in the back. Let's go!" The boys parted ways, some more enthusiastically than others. The first table Jeff was in charge of was occupied by a younger looking couple with two little boys. "Hi!" Jeff said cheerfully. "My name's Jeff, I'll be your waiter. Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"I want a root beer," the boy who looked about 9 requested.

"They'll both have sprite," their mom instructed. "I'll just have water."

"I want the strongest liquor you've got," the dad said tiredly.

Jeff laughed. "Alrighty, I'll be right back." He walked back to the kitchen, finding a few more chefs had arrived and David was pouring glasses of wine.

"You're underage. You shouldn't be doing that," Jeff pointed out.

"Piss off, Sterling," David said grumpily. "I already have 4 tables to take care of, and it's still early."

Jeff sighed sympathetically. "Good luck, man."

David mumbled a thanks and struggled to carry three wine glasses to the back room. He groaned internally when he saw two more tables had been filled. Thankfully, they were Thad's tables. He saw Thad walk over and pull out his order pad. David was walking over to a young teenaged couple to ask if they wanted refills when he heard a loud shriek.

"KURT! BLAINE! David, come over here, it's Kurt and Blaine!" Thad squealed.

David turned red and looked at his customers apologetically. "I'm so sorry, guys, I will be right back." The couple looked a little confused but said that was fine. David sped walk over to Thad, slapping him on the arm when he got there. "Thad! Seriously? Be professional!"

"Hey, David," Kurt greeted while Blaine chuckled quietly.

"Hey, guys! Great to see you. Sorry for all the commotion," he said with a glare at Thad.

"No problem," Kurt laughed.

"We just came to see how your first day on the job was going," Blaine explained.

"So far, extremely crappy. I've got a ton of customers, so I've gotta run. Text me later, dudes." And with that David was practically sprinting back to his teenaged couple.

Just then Nick approached the table, carrying a large tray filled to the max with plates. "Hey, former Warblers!"

"Hey, Nick," Kurt and Blaine said simultaneously.

Thad's jaw dropped. "How are you doing that so _easily_?"

"Been in the restaurant business my whole life, dude. I was pretty much born with it," Nick replied with a wink. "I'll catch you guys later." He gracefully got his customer's dinner served and made his way to the kitchen for more breadsticks. When he arrived, he found Wes struggling to get all his food on one tray and pick it up without spilling something.

"Wesley, I really don't think you're cut out for this job," Nick sighed.

"NO SHIT," Wes said sarcastically before exiting the kitchen, his hand shaking profusely, making the plates rattle.

Nick chuckled, sticking the breadsticks in the basket. He was about to leave when a certain blonde Warbler came in, covered head to toe in spaghetti, the bowl upside down on his head. Nick's mouth dropped open, though he was trying to hide a smile. "Omigod. What happened to you?"

"Apparently I got my 7-year-old's order wrong. He wasn't happy," Jeff added unnecessarily. "I suck."

The puppy-dog expression on his boyfriend's face made Nick smile. "You're doing fine, babe. I promise."

"I'm not as good as you!

"It's your first day, and I've been doing this my whole life. It will get easier."

"They didn't even leave me a tip," Jeff whined.

"Seriously? Well, I'll share mine with you."

Jeff's face lit up. "Would you really do that for me?" Nick nodded. "Well I actually have a better idea."

…

"Guys, we have customers! Stop making out and get your lazy asses out here!" David said angrily as he refilled a coke glass.

Nick helped Jeff clean up and gave him a peck on the cheek before bringing his now-cold breadsticks out to some pretty unhappy customers.

The rest of the night went by likewise, with several more incidents like Jeff's occurring. Wes got yelled at in Chinese (which he apparently understood) and he said that it wasn't worth repeating. Thad brought back the incorrect amount of change back to his customer, which resulted in a debate on what kind of wine the man really _did _order. Finally Nick stepped in and paid the man the money he wanted so he would leave.

After the restaurant had been closed for about an hour, and all the tables and floors had been cleaned, the boys practically collapsed in the kitchen. David sighed and untied his dirty apron, throwing it on the counter. "I quit."

The other Warblers raised their eyebrows in surprise, but Nick merely shrugged. "It's okay, you're all fired anyway."

"Fired? But I've never been fired in my whole life!" Jeff whined.

"Babe, you've never had a job in your whole life."

"Exactly! And getting fired on the fist day of my first one is pretty pathetic."

Nick snorted. "Look, guys, my dad just said you all weren't the 'waitering' type."

Thad shrugged. "I don't really care. My family's loaded, I don't really need money anyway. Come on council," he said, referring to Wes and David. "Let's go plan the rehearsals for this week." The other boys followed Thad out, leaving their aprons and order pads on the counter.

Nick smiled when he saw Jeff look dejectedly at the floor. "Jeffy, don't be sad. You're good at lots of things, you can find another job somewhere."

"But not as a waiter," Jeff mumbled.

"I wouldn't suggest it," Nick chuckled, slipping his arms around Jeff's waist.

Jeff sighed. "Well, I'll probably just go back to being unemployed. And you can pay for all my crap again," he added with a grin.


	11. The Warblers' Horror Movie Night

_A/N: This one was** lunargirl40**'s idea. I hope you like it :) It's kinda short. Cause I'm lazy. But I hope you guys love me anyway and shoot me a review! That'd be fantabulous! ENJOY_

_P.S. I totally made the movie up. I have no idea if its real or not...I don't do many horror movies. I'm kind of a scaredy cat. _

* * *

><p>Thad jumped up off the couch energetically as the doorbell rang. "Kurt and Blaine are here! We can start!"<p>

"Slow down, man," David laughed, stopping Thad before he played the DVD. "Don't you think you should let them in first?"

"Oh. Yeah, yeah, of course." Thad dashed up the stairs, almost tripping twice.

"Why is he so hyper?" Wes asked critically.

"It's the Twinkies," Trent explained. "Thad is under the impression that Hostess is going out of business, so he's been stuffing himself."

"OMIGOD. That would be awful!" Nick cried.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Jeff groaned in agreement.

"Do you think it's true, Trent?" Flint asked miserably.

"You guys are SO immature," Wes interrupted haughtily. "In college, things like Little Debbie cakes don't take such a large priority."

"Did you HEAR him?"

"Now I know I'm going to be sick."

"We are no longer on speaking terms, Wesley."

"What'd I do?"

"NEVER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES," Flint began, "CONFUSE LITTLE DEBBIE CAKES WITH HOSTESS!"

"It's unconstitutional," Nick said with horror.

"Gentlemen! Please! If we're going to have a debate on the differences of two processed food companies, I'm leaving," Sebastian said snootily.

"By all means," Trent mumbled under his breath.

"Okay, let's get this party started!" Thad exclaimed, bouncing back down the stairs, followed by Kurt and Blaine. Blaine took the empty spot next to Sebastian, which earned him a glare from his boyfriend, who crossed his way over to the other end of the couch, sitting down beside David. "What are we watching, Warblers?" Blaine asked.

"Stranger in the Dark," Thad said with a grin. "Apparently it's SUPER scary."

"Feel free to hold my hand any time you want, Blaine," Sebastian said with a wink, making Blaine shift uncomfortably.

"Nicky! I'm scared!" Jeff said, cuddling up to his boyfriend's right arm and burying his face in his shoulder.

"Jeff. This is just the FBI copyright warning."

"But the music playing in the background is so eerie!"

"This is going to be a long night," Wes groaned.

About 20 minutes into the movie, things were already getting pretty intense. David and Thad were holding hands, which ordinarily would've been awkward, but this movie was an exception to just about every rule of personal space. Jeff was practically on Nick's lap, clinging to his shirt and burying his face in the crook of his neck. A particularly loud thud boomed from the TV, causing the boys to jump and Jeff to scream.

"I feel lonely," Kurt complained, eyeing Trent and Flint who had just pared up as snuggle buddies.

"Welcome to my world," Wes grumbled.

David turned to his best friend sadly. "That kind of broke my heart."

"Awwwww, Wessy, come here!" Thad said, pulling Wes over so now Thad, Wes, and David were all enveloped together.

"Now I feel really lonely," Kurt remarked with a frown. A couple of the boys shushed Kurt, because apparently the movie was at an intense part, though Kurt had no way of knowing that. He was too busy concentrating on the close proximity of Sebastian's hand to Blaine's knee. "You know," Kurt began loudly, "this girl is really stupid. Why does she keep answering the phone? It's obviously going to be this creepy stranger-"

Kurt was interrupted by a loud shriek from Jeff. The popcorn Trent had previously been holding flew out of the bowl as he buried his face in the couch. Jeff was literally on top of Nick now, who tried desperately to calm his blonde boyfriend down. Blaine's eyes were wide in fear, though he was trying badly to hide it. "Blaine, you could-" Kurt began.

"You just don't shut up, do you?" Sebastian snapped, turning exasperatedly to Kurt.

Regardless of the still-playing scary movie that the boys were enthralled with, every face (excluding Kurt and a still-awkward looking Blaine) looked at Sebastian in shock. "Excuse me?"

"Hold on a second."

"PAUSE THE MOVIE."

Thad got up and hit the pause button, looking accusingly at the new Warbler. "I hope I heard you wrong."

Flint got up, pounding his fist against his palm angrily. "Do you want to take this outside, sir?"

Sebastian raised his eyebrows innocently. "What have I done to disrupt the mood, men?"

"You want to hate on Kurt, you go through me first," Nick said, peeling Jeff off of him and standing boldly.

"You go through all of us," Jeff added, joining his boyfriend.

'Warbler Kurt is to be RESPECTED," Trent said with dignity.

"I didn't mean to offend, gentlemen, but I most comment: Kurt is no longer a Warbler," Sebastian said simply.

"Oh, you asked for it, Sebastian," David said furiously. "Things are about to get physical." Before David had the chance to pounce on the new Warbler, Wes caught his arm and pulled him back, telling him violence was not the answer.

"You know what, stop. Stop all of this," Blaine said, standing up defiantly. "You said it yourself, Sebastian, 'Once a Warbler, always a Warbler.' So you can either shut up and leave my boyfriend alone, or get the hell out of here."

"Yeah, and I'd kinda prefer you take the second option," Thad said.

"Actually, it so happens I do need to be going. I have prior arrangements that I can't neglect. Enjoy the movie, Warblers. Oh, and Duval, I'd watch out if I were you. You're boyfriend's going to pee his pants before this is over." And with that, Sebastian was off, leaving several satisfied boys.

"I feel accomplished. Like I just defeated a dictator," Thad said with a proud smile.

"You did," David mumbled, collapsing back on the couch next to Wes.

"Don't feel too happy," Flint sighed. "Practice is Monday, and Sebastian doesn't stay defeated for long."

"Kurt."

"Blaine."

"You know-"

"I do. And what I-"

"Doesn't matter."

The pair grinned at each other and sat down on the end of the couch, linking their hands and cuddling up to each other. Nick plopped down in the middle of the couch, patting his knees and calling over to Jeff. "Come here, Jeffie." The blonde grinned and sat on his lap, promising he wouldn't pee. David, Wes, and Trent sat next to Nick and Jeff, discreetly holding each other's hands. Flint and Thad sat on the floor, passing the bowl of popcorn back and forth.

At the end of the movie, all of the boys were silent, staring at the credits in disbelief. "I can't believe it's over," Kurt said.

"That was…monumental," Trent said in awe.

"More like the most horrifying experience of my life!" Jeff said, tightening his grip on Nick's arm.

"Sweetheart. I'd king of like to keep this," Nick said sarcastically, gesturing toward his arm. Jeff loosened his grip reluctantly, deciding Nick's hand was a fine enough substitute.

"I hope you know you're sleeping over tonight," Kurt said to Blaine.

"Aww, Kurt, are you scared?" Blaine asked, wrapping his arms around Kurt comfortingly.

"No. I just want you to sleep over because I know if you went home you'd be calling me all night saying the stranger in the dark is outside your window," Kurt explained matter-of-factly.

"Sure, Kurt, whatever you say," Blaine replied, pretending to believe him.

"It doesn't matter guys," Thad jumped in. "You're all staying here tonight"

"But-"

"Shut up, that's an order!"


End file.
